Going to college is an exciting time for any young person. Meeting new friends and teachers, registering for classes and getting to know a new environment are all stimulating changes. However, it can also be a time of family changes. Some students are surprised and upset when their parents get divorced after they graduate from high school. They may be even more shocked when they come home on a school break after their parents have become involved with someone new, and find themselves faced with a blended family and new siblings to deal with.
Sharing a Household
Sharing the house with relative strangers can be challenging for anyone. Students coming home on a college break want to relax and connect with friends and family. Suddenly having a new family members to deal with can be difficult to adjust to immediately.
Some of the issues that can come up between step-sibling are territory and sharing space. Young adults often have a strong need to voice their opinions or make clear what spaces are their own and may not be receptive to sharing the rooms they grew up in. Having to negotiate things like using the television or sharing a communal computer with unfamiliar new family members can be hang-ups, too.
Personality differences can also be a source of friction. Being thrown into a household with unknown people and obliged to live with them is rarely enjoyable when it isn't by choice. It's not uncommon for new step-siblings to struggle over power and territory and to have difficulty knowing where they fit or what their roles are in the family.
Younger children may also resent having an older step-sibling suddenly appear on the scene during a school break after being gone to college for a while. The younger sibling may feel like the dynamic and players have changed yet again just when the new family arrangement was starting to be figured out.
Getting Used to Step-Parents
Another challenge for college students coming home to newly blended families can be learning to get along with new step-parents. They may resent the step-parents' roles with their birth parents, and become angry or upset when they witness affection between the two.
Children, no matter their age, can also feel conflicted if they begin to like their new step-parents. They may feel like they're betraying their birth parents, and become defensively angry, annoyed, or easily agitated toward one or the other.
Another issue that can arise in any blended family is tension about family and house rules. Families often have both overt and covert rules about behaviors. When the rules change, especially if they're unspoken, children may feel they no longer know how to behave or what expectations are.
Changes to rules that are stated outright can also be difficult to accept. In newly blended families, rules may change about how decisions are made or what types of behaviors are acceptable. Teens and young adults visiting from college can find it disconcerting and upsetting to realize the way of doing things they've always accepted has changed. In particular, they may resent feeling like they need to ask permission for anything from their step-parents.
The key to all these potential problems is clear communication. Parents would do well to ease their college-age children into new family dynamics as much as possible by discussing changes early on. It certainly won't do to let a new family situation be a total surprise to a visiting college child.
Sharing a Household
Sharing the house with relative strangers can be challenging for anyone. Students coming home on a college break want to relax and connect with friends and family. Suddenly having a new family members to deal with can be difficult to adjust to immediately.
Some of the issues that can come up between step-sibling are territory and sharing space. Young adults often have a strong need to voice their opinions or make clear what spaces are their own and may not be receptive to sharing the rooms they grew up in. Having to negotiate things like using the television or sharing a communal computer with unfamiliar new family members can be hang-ups, too.
Personality differences can also be a source of friction. Being thrown into a household with unknown people and obliged to live with them is rarely enjoyable when it isn't by choice. It's not uncommon for new step-siblings to struggle over power and territory and to have difficulty knowing where they fit or what their roles are in the family.
Younger children may also resent having an older step-sibling suddenly appear on the scene during a school break after being gone to college for a while. The younger sibling may feel like the dynamic and players have changed yet again just when the new family arrangement was starting to be figured out.
Getting Used to Step-Parents
Another challenge for college students coming home to newly blended families can be learning to get along with new step-parents. They may resent the step-parents' roles with their birth parents, and become angry or upset when they witness affection between the two.
Children, no matter their age, can also feel conflicted if they begin to like their new step-parents. They may feel like they're betraying their birth parents, and become defensively angry, annoyed, or easily agitated toward one or the other.
Another issue that can arise in any blended family is tension about family and house rules. Families often have both overt and covert rules about behaviors. When the rules change, especially if they're unspoken, children may feel they no longer know how to behave or what expectations are.
Changes to rules that are stated outright can also be difficult to accept. In newly blended families, rules may change about how decisions are made or what types of behaviors are acceptable. Teens and young adults visiting from college can find it disconcerting and upsetting to realize the way of doing things they've always accepted has changed. In particular, they may resent feeling like they need to ask permission for anything from their step-parents.
The key to all these potential problems is clear communication. Parents would do well to ease their college-age children into new family dynamics as much as possible by discussing changes early on. It certainly won't do to let a new family situation be a total surprise to a visiting college child.
Regardless of how old children are, they'll still tend to think of their birth parents as their real parents. Step-parents may face an uphill battle to help their new family members become comfortable with them without forcing issues. Showing respect through honest and open communication with young people is the best attitude new step-parents can take. However, even if there aren't any huge tensions or hangups, everyone involved should expect a period of adjustment for all family members.
For more information or help for your blended family, check out The Blended and Step Family Resource Center.
Guest Post by Marina Salsbury- Marina planned on becoming a teacher since high school, but found her way instead into online writing after college. She writes around the Web about everything from education to exercise.
