Biological Mom has traits of narcissism and antisocial behavior- what to do?

Mom asks- I’m a stepmom to a 4 ½ year old boy and biological mom to a 17-month girl. Biological mom of son alienates and has many behaviors of narcissism/antisocial. How do we handle this?

Shirley Cress Dudley responds:
It’s hard enough to deal with the “other” parents in a blended family- much less when a parent has a possible personality disorder. Here are some tips that may help.

Don’t take her attacks and negative comments personally
Respond to her when you are calm and can look at the situation objectively. Don’t respond to any emotional comments or attacks. You don’t have to pick up the telephone every time she calls or respond immediately when she sends you a text. Take time to settle down and figure out if this is a message you need to respond to, or should ignore.

Focus on the child and his well-being
Respond only to issues concerning your stepson. Ignore anything non-related to him.

Speak positively about the other parent around your stepson
I know it’s difficult, but set the right example and speak positively about his biological mom. You may say, “I know your mom wants what’s best for you, so we’re going to talk as adults and get this figured out.”

Do the Right Thing
Keep your focus on doing what’s right for your stepson and your family. Work together as a team with your spouse. Continue to speak positively to the biological mom, stating that everyone wants what’s best for the children and you appreciate her working with you to make this happen. Keep your expectations up and continue to guide her to a healthier co-parenting relationship.

For more information, read Chapter Six of Blended Family Advice.

More Blended Family Prizes to Give Away!

Thank you for those who have sent in your blended family photos and poems. I hear we have someone working on a video to send in- but it's not quite ready yet!

We have some amazing things to give away- here's the current Prize list (more keep coming in!)

Blended Family Advice: Tips to help stepmoms and stepdads with the everyday struggles of blending a family- By Shirley Cress Dudley

3 Reports: 52 Fun Things to Do with your Blended Family for under $25, Blended Family Vacations, Financial Planner for the Blended Family- By Shirley Cress Dudley

The Package Deal: "My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom"- by Izzy Rose

From My Mamma's Kitchen: A dash of this, a smidgeon of that, and a pinch of motherly love from my 9 moms. "Food for the soul, recipes for living"-By Johnny Tan

Background Check -Experience the freedom of feeling SAFE about your date. CheckoutADate.com provides you with background checks that give you the confidence you need in dating.- ($29.95 value)

Understanding my Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder - A children's story explaining the symptoms of ADHD to facilitate awareness of the disorder and how it affects them by Kara Tamanini

One Hour Parent Coaching Session- by Susan Tracy, founder of the Learning Together Parent Education Center.

Does Your Church Connect with Blended Families? - Get the details on how to CONNECT blended families to the church- by Dr. Shane Stutzman.

Bag of Avon Goodies- donated by Sandra Knollman, co-founder of Autism 4 Families, and is currently compiling a book of essays and poems about families with children with autism spectrum disorder. Sandra will be opening an autism resource center in the Greater Cincinnati/Northern KY area in the near future.

PC for Peewees is a reference guide with practical ways to support toddlers learning with the use of computers- by Nicole Taylor.

Signing Families DVD- Baby, Toddler and Preschool Sign Language. This special DVD was made for parents, educators, and caregivers to learn sign language and teach their young child or special needs child sign language-by Louise Masin Sattler and friends.

Single Dad Journal, Document your experience as a single dad—life with the kids, mistakes you’ve made, lessons you’ve learned and things you can pass on to other dads. It will be a cathartic experience that will help you make life happen again. donated by RJ Jaramillo of SingleDad.com

To register for the drawing, go to www.BlendedFamilyAdvice.com/SummerGetaway
The next drawing is June 7th-Good luck!
Shirley

Summer Giveaway- new email address

Several subscribers sent me an email- letting me know that my Blended Family advice email address will not allow attachments- can you imagine? Well, some of you have been trying to submit your entries to the Summer Giveaway (I've been wondering where you were???) and now I find out your mail is being "returned to sender!!"

I sincerely apologize! I have changed the submission email to sdudley4@carolina.rr.com
This email DOES accept your poems and photo attachments.

We will continue the prizes throughout the month of June (including the first winners today- since I can't count, and assumed that the first of June was today, instead of tomorrow.)

First week's winners are:
Sherry W of North Carolina- for her beautiful blended family poem. Sherry chose Allegra Huston's book Love Child. Allegra is autographing the book and sending it directly to her, this week- how exciting.

Sandy K. of Ohio- for her tender poem about families. Sandy chose the Watch Me Learn, DVD's by David Palo. These DVD's are teaching videos for autistic, pdd and developmentally delayed children- by Dave Palo. Thank you, Dave, for donating these very helpful DVD's.

The Summer Giveaway continues- next drawing is Sunday, June 7th!
www.BlendedFamilyAdvice.com/SummerGiveaway

Lots of Prizes to give away!!

The Blended Family Advice Summer Giveaway has grown faster than I can put the prizes on the website! We have people from all of the United States donating their books, DVD's, hour of coaching, and other great stuff to our blended family subcribers. Don't miss out- first drawing is tomorrow, Sunday, June 1st. It's amazing how many prizes we are offering. Go to www.BlendedFamilyAdvice.com/SummerGiveaway for the details on how to enter.

I laugh out loud as I read Izzy Rose's, "The Package Deal"- her (no-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom. Her book is quite funny and very realistic for new step moms.

Johnny Tan's "From My Mamma's Kitchen" is a heartwarming tribute to his 9 moms. "A dash of this, a smidgen of that, and a pinch of mother love from my 9 moms."

We also have donations of an hour of parent coaching, a book on ADHD, a set of DVD's for autistic and developmentally delayed children, a set of DVD's on teaching your preschool sign language and more- I will name more of these items, in detail, each day in June as we continue our Summer Giveaway.

Sign up today! First drawing (and your pick of the prizes) is tomorrow.
I'll finish putting the rest of the prizes on the website this afternoon.

Good luck to everyone! Tell your blended friends- this is a great opportunity to win free stuff!!

Shirley Cress Dudley

Summer Giveaway at Blended Family Advice

We are having a Summer Giveaway at Blended Family Advice. Free books will be given away every Sunday in June (beginning next Sunday!)

To be eligible:
Step One- subscribe to Blended Family Advice newsletter
Step Two: Submit a poem, photo, or video about your blended family

For more details, check out the Blended Family Website Summer Giveaway page.

Radio Interview with Shirley Cress Dudley

Radio interview with Shirley Cress Dudley is now available. Here's the link:

Interview by Johnny Tan, of Blog Talk Radio, and author of From My Mamma's Kitchen.

Johnny Tan's Talk Radio

I'll be the guest on Johnny Tan's Talk Radio tomorrow, 11am EST (Tuesday, May 26th.) Topic is Blended Families and Step Families.

Call in and ask questions, so you won't have to hear me talk for an entire hour :) www.fmmktalkradio.com

Happy Memorial Day to you and your blended family

Happy Memorial Day! Any holiday is a great time to celebrate having a blended family. Make sure your family participates in as many holidays as you can.

Ideas for today:
-Grill out, as a family. Everyone helps prepare the meal
-Make a special dessert: red/white/blue- strawberries, blueberries and whipped cream, on angel food cake
-Have all ages help get your special meal ready.
-This afternoon: go on a walk, or a trip to the park
-Tonight: Rent a movie and watch it as a family

Celebrate your unique family and enjoy today's holiday!
For more ideas, check out Blended Family Holidays

Color Code Your Blended Family World!

We have five kids in 3 schools. Next fall- it will be 4 different schools. Each week is a challenge to make sure we don't forget an important event in our large, complicated blended family. So- we color code the calendar.

Yearly Scheduling
We purchased a large wall calender and use a different color marker for each child. At the beginning of the school year, we mark each child's school/exam/special events/holidays and other time off- on the calendar. Sometimes the calendar looks more colorful than a coloring book! Summertime and holidays are the most exciting to follow.

Weekly Scheduling
Then, we print a weekly calendar. You can create it on Microsoft Publisher, print it off Outlook, or use many of the other programs available on the Internet. The weekly calendar will print off the events from the yearly calendar and also add detailed information, and additional events. I enjoy putting clipart, photos and various colors on the calendar. This draws the kids attention and encourages their participation in adding events to the calendar.

Weekly Meal Planning and Shopping Guide
We also plan our weekly meals on this calendar. The kids are responsible for telling us if they will be missing a meal (due to their heavy teenage extracurricular activities) and we may switch around an entree or two, if there aren't many kids present at dinner. We also have a couple of frozen "ready made" meals on hand, just in case all the kids are out for the evening, and it's just the two of us. (Although we have been known to sneak out for a quick dinner and a movie!)

We keep a pad on the side of the refrigerator. One side is for the grocery store, the other side is for Wal-Mart. Anyone in the family can add items they need to this list. If someone needs something in the middle of the week, they put it on the list, and it will be purchased the next weekly trip.

Try it out! Color code your world and you'll discover:

• You won't miss any important events
• Your biological and step kids feel special because their events are listed on the calendar
• You don't make 2-3 trips to the grocery store, each week, because you haven't planned out the week

For other tips and advice, check out our website, http://www.blendedfamilyadvice.com/

Shirley

Shirley@BlendedFamilyAdvice.com

Allegra Huston's new book

Last night I (Shirley Cress Dudley) met Allegra Huston, and listened to her read excerpts of her new book, Love Child. Allegra speaks from her heart, about her mother's death, being passed around to family members- including sister Anjelica Huston and her boyfriend Jack Nicholson, and also nonfamily members.

Her stories of her convoluted blended family is both heart warming, intriguing, sad and also exciting.

Catch her when she visits your city, or pick up a copy of her book at your local bookstore.

Shirley Cress Dudley
http://www.blendedfamilyadvice.com/