Through the years, I've talked to hundreds (maybe thousands- I've lost count) of blended and step families. I noticed a similar pattern in all of them. There is one underlying principle that keeps a step family strong and successful.
What is the underlying principle? What is the secret? The secret is to keep your marriage in the center of the family and in the center of the marriage. If you focus too much time on the kids, in ex-spouse, or your parents, your marriage will suffer. It sounds easy- but it's not.
Most parents have been own their own for several years, some have even fought to have custody or time with their kids. When they remarry, it's tough to change that focus and look back towards the marriage. Keeping the marriage a priority gives kids an excellent example of what a healthy marriage should be.
If the primary focus is on the kids, children grow up in a unrealistic world, one that gives them everything they want- as soon as they ask. That world is not real- and will cause more problems than you can image.
Do you want to solve most of your blended or step family issues? Put your marriage first.
Talk with you again soon,
Shirley
Shirley Cress Dudley, MA LPC NCC
Director of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center
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